Abused, abandoned & Rejected

3/11/24

As I write my first blog, this is the most vulnerable I can ever be, by expressing my pain, but also glorifying my one true savior Jesus, for He is the lover of my soul and the one who has healed and transformed that pain into purpose and for a plan that turns for my good!

If you are reading this, you have been through what I have experienced, maybe even worse than I endured.

In 2020 I was completely despised by my church for following God's voice, but it didn't end there. God asked me to go to my ex because he mattered to God after my pastors told me he wasn't worth talking to.

I got into a relationship with this man, my only fault was giving the man my all that belonged to God Himself.

Previous to this, I was healing from an abusive relationship I had encountered at bible college, and a lot of people blamed me for being a temptress and making this man fall who was 20 years older than me and was supposed to be a spiritual mentor of mine.

I wanted to bring hope to people after what I had gone through and understand that the enemy works through abuse.

Well, these pastors didn't want me to minister to anyone due to what had happened.

God had other plans,

I got with my ex, and it went dark, COVID-19 hit the world, I lost my job, got attacked in my own home, and was kicked out of my place of residence all within 1 week.

My own family abandoned me during this time, I had no one, and I thought my ex was going to save me, but that was not the case.

I ended up moving from San Juan's, WA, to Sedona AZ, a friend from bible college said I could start over there on their couch.

Well due to my mental state and not being emotionally stable that housing situation fell through two months after moving to Arizona.

My ex followed me out here 6 months later.

Well we did ok, but my mental state was still volatile, it got to a place where I was showing up to work with bruises all over my body, weighing 98 lbs, and my ex was not able to care about my well-being.

My ex and I had separated, and he ended up cheating on me, I was homeless, and I ended up back with him, and that's when I had an emotional breakdown, he had his brother call the cops on me, and that's where I had to find other means.

I moved into my co-worker's spare bedroom where I had to lock my door every night due to this man being perverted and didn't respect personal boundaries.

Well, I stood up to this man due to him sexually harassing other women at work, this man got me fired and kicked me out on December 26th the day after Christmas, with no job and nowhere to go.

I had lost everything.

This is where God met me in my mess and at my worst...

While working for this company where I got fired (I had never been fired before ever)

I experienced God's faithfulness and He made Himself so very real to me.

During Bible College, I saw a vision of a man's face. God said that is your husband, I never gave up on this promise, I even told my ex I couldn't be with him because I was waiting for my husband.

But this is where God was using my Ex to get me to meet my husband.

God made me a personal promise, one that I hold most dear to my heart to this day.

Well, can you guess what God did?

I met my husband. When this man told me his birthday, I was overtaken by the Holy Spirit and I didn't know how to handle what was happening around me, being around non-believers having a God experience.

Since that day I have been transforming into a person I never thought I could be. I do struggle, I still feel the pain of my past.

My ex was just recently married and I am still waiting for this man (my husband) to return to my life.

The pain of not seeing this promise come to pass has been the greatest test of my life. My ex showed up at my home right before Christmas two months before his wedding and wanted sex, this wasn't the only time, my ex showed up 7 times wanting sex with me as well as cheating on his now wife...

I stood my ground each time with my ex even though I wanted to be cherished and loved, not as an adulterous woman.

God is testing my heart so that the pain of this world no longer affects my soul and how I perceive God.

I want to encourage those who have been through the roughest pain and if you are going through it, I declare and decree that all that you have gone through will TURN OUT FOR YOUR GOOD in Jesus Name (Romans 8:28)

If you need help or need someone to talk to. Pain is a very real thing and we need to meet people in our pain. Jesus did, and he brought solutions to people's pain, that is where so many of us Christians have fallen short.

There is Hope, God wants to free you from this pain more than you believe!

We have to walk out in forgiveness no matter what people do to us..

As Jesus said while dying on the cross "Father forgive them for they do not know what they do."

I Highly Recommend reading Mending the Soul; Understanding & Healing Abuse By Steven & Celestia Tracey

Buy Mending the Soul

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